Writers Block

I have so much to say. Even made a list of the topics I was going to expound on. unfortunately, I get on here, and i have nothing (absolutely nothing!!) to say. There are so many things I'd like to talk about; vent over; get off my chest........but i just can't do it! aaaargh!!!

Something's gotta give! These darn drafts need to get finished, edited and published! Where are my 100 monkeys to punch away at my keyboard?? After watching "Rise of The Planet of the Apes" (frigging awesome movie by the way), I have so much of faith in the lower species.......

Speaking of awesome, I read "Game of Thrones", SO good! I miss reading. I no longer have a bb so I have oh so much time on my hands now. I actually talk to people around me now. and I am reading voraciously again. I may never get back on bb if things keep going on this way! Especially seeing as being off the darn thing is helping me deal with some addictions that were threatening to get out of control.

Let's hope this post get's me rolling......

How Do You Know?

Some people get it right the first time around. You know, that whole relationship thing. I know so many couples who dated their way to marriage. They shared all their firsts with their spouses. The poor saps. Then there are those who endure a few bumps along the road before they get it. Finally they hit that sweet note. One proposes, the other accepts, and Shangri-La. Make you sick to your stomach don't they? Then there are those who coast through (love) life. At some point they look around and decide "you'll do" then accept or proffer a proposal and continue coasting. Eventually they get busted by some STD or text or child with questionable parentage (ah dreams). Finally, there's me. Who sits on the sidelines and wonders at all these things going on. I mean, how do you know?

Relationships are about deciding what is worth fighting for and what should be let go (or so I heard somewhere) but who gets to decide? Every time I get the I'm getting married call I just want to ask "What led you to this decision?". The responses I've heard are varied and they frankly all sound like poppy-cock to me. But maybe that's it though. There is no concrete reason. It is a personal decision based on whatever drives you. I guess in the end, you just......know? My head hurts.

Things Nigeria Has Taught Me To Never Take For Granted

1. hitting a light switch will turn on a light

2. 1 GB download takes 5 minutes or less

3. left over food goes in the refrigerator not the dustbin

4. that SONY power pack i bought from that "reputable" store is an original

5. there is ALWAYS cold water

6. i can drive out @ 10 pm for a late night snack and find somewhere open

7. wearing mid-thigh shorts and a tank top on a freakishly hot day will not raise eyebrows

8. customer service oriented companies like banks, restaurants and MTN actually practice customer service

9. customer services reps know better than to say to a customer "now how would you feel if i came to your business and shouted at you like that"

10. the manager of the MTN Ibadan office will get up and come out to placate an irate customer instead of sitting in his office and expecting you to come to him (yes! i have serious beef with MTN!)

11. fact that you are an intelligent accomplished woman rather than a ring on your left second finger is sufficient to get you the respect you deserve

12. your senators and other holders of public office need your vote so they actually attempt to do things to benefit the community

13. getting caught doing wrong is a bad thing. in other pays, CRIME DOESN'T PAY

14. that i can get up and work overnight without coming out to turn on the gen (after calculating if i can afford the required fuel of course)

15. that it wouldn't take me 3 weeks to put up this ONE blog post :(

I miss God

lately Miss CaramelD has been voicing things i've had rolling around in my head. i've been going through a lot of things lately. i've probably been here before, but it just feels so much harder this time. and i know, this time, its cuz i dont feel at peace. it doesnt feel like these things are just for a season. i dont see what i am learning. i dont grasp anything. i've stopped praying because almost a year ago, it started to feel like God wasnt listening. at first i thought, he wants me to go through this. so i trudged on. tried to learn from the things going on around me. later i came to the conclusion God wasnt listening. he either was fed up of me, or there was no reason for him to listen. i'd created this mess and my crying out to him was futile. fine. i had to face my bad or faulty decisions. and deal with the consequences. but now, there is something. a block. something just doesnt want me doing what i want, what i need to do. i no longer have a focus. no plan for the future. no ambition.

heavy sigh

One Of Those Days

Its one of those day. Everyone has them. When you wake up and you're miserable. You look for a shoulder to cry on and no one seems to be there. You catalogue your life and cant put your finger on one achievement. You wonder why you're bothering. What exactly the point of anything is. Oh sure you laugh at the shows on TV. But as soon as the moment is over. You just wanna curl up. In the middle of your laugh you shut off the TV and want to cry. Even the soul music people put on in these moments are too damn cheerful for you. You just want silence. But not really. Because then you hear all those voices in your head. Those asking you what in the hell you think you're doing. Those reminding you that you haven't done shit in quite a few years. Those stupid ass bitches pointing out how alone you are. How you're here. On your blog. Because you can't think of a single soul willing to listen to what you have to say.

Yep, one of those days