Unsolved Mysteries

A lot of people get asked, if you could have a conversation with God, what would you talk about? For me I would want an explanation to these eternal nagging questions:
1. What happened to Amelia Earhart?
2. Who took the Lindberg baby and why? Or did the baby never leave the house at all?
3. Was Jimmy Hoffa really killed? And where did they hide his body if he was?
4. What happened on the Marie Celeste?
5. Was there a second gunman on that grassy knoll?

Those are the true mysteries of life. Knowing anything else would take all the fun out. A life without pain and suffering means you never learn endurance. Heartbreak helps you recognize love when you see it. I'm always scared about heaven. At the risk of sounding sacrilegeous, the truth is I've always felt heaven would be boring. There would be no books to read. No movies to watch. No music to listen.....except instrumentals. On HARPS no less! And seriously, how long can the awe of God's presence last before it wears a little thin?We're talking eternity here guys.
Human existence is about finding your way. Finding your fundamental truth. It's what we write about. What we create music about. It's what we go to visit cinemas to watch. Buy video games to play. I've hurt. I've cried. I've asked God why. But, having him answer that, well it would be like being given the answers to a crossword puzzle. The fun is being able to figure it out on your own. So yeah, if God were to come, I wouldn't ask him how to cure cancer. That's what my phd is for. Instead I would want to know what really happened in that bunker where Hitler was supposed to have committed suicide. And did OJ really do it?

Birthday Blues

In a couple of hours I am going to be a year closer to 30. I am not a happy camper. I am a scared, lonely, broke, old ass chick. Scratch that, an old hag who has refused to outgrow her tomboy ways. I'm hard on myself I know. At some level, I must be this totally hot chick who's intelligent, funny, lovely to be with.....at least that's what my current fan is telling me. See, I'm liking this dude and he's been calling and texting everyday. Not so much that I'm creeped out but just enough to keep me looking forward to hearing from him. However, I've got a really hot friend he seems to be checking out.

Then there's my job situation. Still don't have one. And I don't want one. Not really. Somehow over the years I have come to believe and expect that I will love whatever job I have. And nothing out there has given me that tingle I'm looking for. I need to stop being starry-eyed. My chief advisor is of the opinion that it is about time I did what needed to be done and stop expecting to be "happy". Ok....

Then there's my education issue. I want to go further. Want to be top at my field. Want to learn so much more. At the end of every educational hurdle it feels like I haven't really learned anything. I don't feel knowledgable in the least about my so-called field of expertise. Again my advisor says " inco get on with your life and get married already (stupid jerk)".

So here I am. Another birthday. Utterly depressed. Wishing I were anywhere but here. No that's not true. Wishing I were where I thought I'd be oh so many years ago when my current wide-eyed expectations were still ok to have. When did it become not allowed for someone to hope and dream and expect that their life would work out the way they wanted it?

This is such a low and depressing post. Ok something upbeat: I WANT A BB FOR MY BIRTHDAY! A Curve if you please. A Bold 2 even nicer :)


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