Dear You

I want you in my life. I really really do. I don't even know why. You have been a fixture for just a little too long. Never have I ever felt this way. Never. Not this strong and certainly not this long. Even from great distances I hear you. I feel your thoughts. It's like you're here. With me. Or I'm there. With you. I ache for you. Thinking about you. The possibility of seeing you. Turns me giddy. A glimpse of you splits my mouth into the widest of grins. I love you. There, I said it. There is no other way to say. I can't see it being anything but that.

You're not perfect. Far from it. If I'd had to choose it would always have been the other. They have all I need. But you are all I want. You're all I want.

This is all in my head. You don't feel the same. You've said as much.

What Lies Beneath

Today, I saw this guy with someone else. I knew it was coming. I had an idea she existed but I guess I thought he would have the courtesy to tell me. Although, this is the person who chased me relentlessly for months and when I finally gave in, continued carrying on with all and sundry. And if course dumped me when the novelty of being with me wore off.

So yes, I'm bitter and angry. And I don't even know why. How long is one supposed to keep telling themselves it's the other and not you? It can't be them when in the space of months they're happy while you- the one nothing is supposed to be wrong with is utterly and completely alone.

I keep saying it doesn't matter. That I am happy alone. But really who am I kidding. There is something wrong. I do need to be fixed. Now I just have to get through my day without falling apart.

Irony. This very day last year I was crying because someone finally stopped lying to me. I'm starting to hate december.