I have a problem with emotions. I am practically incapable of expressing them. I am uncomfortable around expressions of them. I have convinced myself that this is why my life is the way it is. I like someone for an insurmountable time. Tell myself and anyone who cares that it's my fault things aren't happening. I point out this, and that. See! He totally too does like me! But he's just afraid. Of me. Of my lack of feelings.
LOL
A while ago, I clicked. It's what I like to call it when I actually meet someone I am physically attracted to. Likely, he realised my attraction and capitalised on it. Either way, the unprecedented happened. Then he disappeared. It hurt. Hurt in a disturbingly intense way. He reappeared. I let him. It was pointed out that I was doing it again. I made a feeble attempt to listen. But surely, I argued with the moon, surely all that intensity has MEANING.
At some point, you have to decide whether you want to continue to be ok with the intermittent, inexplicably insanely good sex or do you want to no longer suffer the exhaustion of not being able to voice your thoughts, your protests. Having questions you will never get answers to.
Letting go shouldn't be some epiphany moment. Doesn't have to come as a climax to some dramatic occurrence. Sometimes, you just realise mid-dismissal of a friend's words that you need to stop and admit that your theory, anout these things and your method are just pure shit.
Yes, conventional is not for everyone, but you are so not one of those cool ones. Sorry
