Him

I woke up this morning and started playing with my contacts list. Adding pictures, editing birthdays, attaching notes to the special people. I got to HIM. said things i'd had rolling around in my head. then i read mancee's post, which inspired me to write this one.

everyone has in their head what that ONE will be like. whether or not u've voiced it or written it down, there are certain things that that PERSON just HAS to have. HE had so many of it. so very many. that boy just GOT me. but he was a first class whore. cheated on me from like the first day. i stuck with it. did the long distance thing cuz....get this......HE wanted to. and then i got tired of the doubts. the brush-offs. the one-sided communication. i broke it off. we stayed in touch. remained firm friends. then i have people calling me.

"so you're getting married."
"huh?"
"o HE told us he's getting married. figured it was you. "
"ummm we broke up remember?"
"..............so what's new these days huh? how's the weather n all..........."

so i ask him. he's like o yeah i am. next dec. really? cool. to whom? wait, isnt that the girl we fought over? that u denied seeing? congratulations. come for your wedding? sure! send me the details.

no, i dont attend the wedding. but we're still friends. talked all the way up to his wedding. are you excited? what changes are you making? yeah, marriage is scary but you're happy all that matters.

she's about to have his baby. i'm putting together a care package for the tot. i'm clinically insane. yes. but i love him. like a brother. a friend. for pretty obvious reasons i'm not in the least bit hurt he's with her (ok ok it hurt like hell!!.........but only 4 a little while. riiiiiiiight).

thing is, despite all the drama (and believe me! there was PLENTY of it) HIM even existing means that my list is too realistic. that those unvoiced things that i want, i can get them. yeah i'm holding HIM as an ideal, but only in the way that yes, my ideal can exist. hopefully my one true HIM wont have the holes this pseudo-HIM has.........eeerr had! i meant HAD. he's married now, a changed man he says.

hmph..........

The Unsung Hero

At some point, everyone blogs about their mom. How awesome she is and yadda yadda yadda. Don't get me wrong, i love my mother. that woman KNOWS things. when i'm in trouble it's eerie how she just "randomly" calls to "check if i'm ok". i'll wake up some mornings and a text is waiting for me about a bible verse. and when i look it up, its exactly what i was needing to hear at that point. but hey, that's why they're our mothers.

This post however, is about the other person. That scary dude in the shadows that our mothers threaten us with, using those ominous words "wait 'til your father gets home". Daddy. My daddy is awesome. I absolutely adore my father. while my mom just hasn't figured it out that i will NEVER say "i love you" and i cannot STAND to be touched and so hugs are a no-no, my father totally gets it. he knows that a punch to the shoulder is sufficient. he's not very vocal but that man is a ROCK. i have learned so much, i KNOW so much because of him. i decided i liked music, he bought a keyboard and paid for music lessons. i discovered languages, he got me french AND spanish tutors. even took the french classes with me so i'd have a buddy. we would travel every summer to somewhere new hence my love for traveling. i collected stamps and money; whenever my dad went on conferences he'd write me and put like a million different stamps on it for my collection. n he always over-bought currency so he had some for me when he got home. i owned a pc b4 there were color monitors even had those dot matrix printers from epson n best BELIEVE i got hooked up with the first windows! :)

then there's the he's so awesome no man could ever compare part. my daddy cooks. as in he COOKS. he goes to the market brings home groceries and makes the meanest stew! on saturdays, when in my house, we are required to spring clean, my father will tie a sheet toga style over his boxers pick up and broom and CLEAN. if my cousins or any boy came to stay, there was no "boys dont do house work crap". everyone was expected to pull their own weight. there was even one time my mom wasn't in town n our hair needed to be done. guess who stepped up to the plate! i carried that hair proudly until the hairdresser redid it (after calling everyone in the salon over and laughing her head off....stupid bitch).

then there's the strong silent support. i mess up. my mom goes into a blind panic. weeps. then runs to church. typical mom. daddy on the hand asks what your plan is. i table it. he makes it happen. you tell him what you need and its there.

it never ceases to surprise me how well my father knows me. my aloofness. my lack of affection towards any member of the family. my inability to share my emotions. my stupid pride that always makes me try to solve every problem all on my own. i'm going through some serious isht right now. and mehn despite the fact that i have kept quiet about it for over 3 months now, my father stepped in doing the little that he could do no questions asked. no yelling. no scolding. just a "why do you always keep things to urself for so long?"

the point of this whole post? men suck ASS. they really do. every day we hear stories about guys denying responsibility. fathers being all 'round jerks. shirking their duties. not being involved enough in their childrens' lives. just wanted to brag a little. about a truly awesome father. a man, who despite faults all humans have (and believe my daddy has his share!), is my hero. the sort of father my children had better have. the sort of parent i one day pray to become. we would never say this to each other daddy, although you at least show me but I LOVE YOU DADDY. hugs and kisses :)

The Wedding Blues Aftermath

So I went for said wedding. Got there thursday night, picked up my rental car. Guys that car was UGLY!!! OMG it was ugly. This stupid red thing that well.......it just so was not aesthetically pleasing. Was tempted to upgrade to a car with xm radio and sweet interiors but then i remembered my list, and remembered i still had spending to do and i resisted (BOY it was hard!!). so i put my stuff in the car, attach my gps, type in the address of the hotel and drive off. i'm almost out out of the airport, in fact i'm practically ON the highway.......and my gps is still "acquiring satellite". now, i arrived at after midnight, i'm in a strange STATE (not even town o!) and my stupid gps has no idea what to do. so i'm driving along, waiting, and of course promptly take the wrong exit and end up in the very deserted, very weird looking area and i'm driving at like 10 mph. i check that my doors are locked, make sure my phone has service then cruise. while i drive, i try to remember the black to white population ratio and anything i'd ever heard about cops and DWBs in this state. finally, >ping< then "turn right" o thank you God my gps has found its bearing! i finally arrive at the hotel. the guy on night duty looked like he was a Level 10 warlock in World of Warcraft complete with the glasses, funny teeth, and freckle-pimples. but thats ok, i like WoW so its all good. i pick up the keys to the room and lament that i'm hungry. the sweetheart offers me fresh doughnuts (there's this AWESOME bakery adjacent to the hotel). i smile sweetly then head up 2 my room. sleep

friday morning: wake up refreshed. go downstairs for breakfast. return to my room and lounge. aaah that morning was the highlight! the rest of the day was spent as an airport shuttle service. think i went like 4 times to the airport to pick people up. oh well. not complaining. finally got me time at around 11 pm by sneaking into my car with a book. stayed there and read until 1 am.......

saturday: engagement, then wedding. those were fun. met a guy i used to wink at in school but never hooked up with. flirted some. fell madly and irrevocably in love with this chick :) it was a good wedding. our boy looked really and truly happy and his wife is gorgeous and very much in love with him. dont get no better than that!

got up the next morning at an ungodly hour to drop some friends off at the airport. then hung out at the mall with my new love until i dropped HER off at the airport. then i went back to the hotel for some much needed alone time.

got up monday at yet another ungodly hour and drove to the airport. returned the car. got on the tram. picked up my boarding pass. got in line at security.......then discovered i had lost my wallet.............
i lost it. cried and cried (i had had maybe 8 hours of sleep total the whole weekend) then went to report it. then cried and cried some more. luckily, my wallet was found. everything intact. but i'd missed my flight. was put on standby, but couldn't get on that one. was put on the next standby, that one got canceled. basically spent the entire day at an airport. think i figured out all the nooks and crannies. finally made it home just before dark. needless to say i will not be repeating this experience anytime soon.....

and caramelD? babe, if you ever figure out how to get a guy off your mind please let me know. i'm in the same damn predicament. GRRRRRRR