How Do You Know?

Some people get it right the first time around. You know, that whole relationship thing. I know so many couples who dated their way to marriage. They shared all their firsts with their spouses. The poor saps. Then there are those who endure a few bumps along the road before they get it. Finally they hit that sweet note. One proposes, the other accepts, and Shangri-La. Make you sick to your stomach don't they? Then there are those who coast through (love) life. At some point they look around and decide "you'll do" then accept or proffer a proposal and continue coasting. Eventually they get busted by some STD or text or child with questionable parentage (ah dreams). Finally, there's me. Who sits on the sidelines and wonders at all these things going on. I mean, how do you know?

Relationships are about deciding what is worth fighting for and what should be let go (or so I heard somewhere) but who gets to decide? Every time I get the I'm getting married call I just want to ask "What led you to this decision?". The responses I've heard are varied and they frankly all sound like poppy-cock to me. But maybe that's it though. There is no concrete reason. It is a personal decision based on whatever drives you. I guess in the end, you just......know? My head hurts.

Quitters' Anonymous: First Meeting

hi, my name is incoherent and i am a quitter.

it didn't happen all at once. think it started years ago. when my first dream was cut down. i doggedly accepted the cards life had dealt me. and made no effort whatsoever to fight for what i wanted. i figured what had happened was meant to be. i resigned myself to fate. years later, i was presented with another opportunity to fulfill this dream. which, despite the years, the setbacks, the tears.....was still there. again, i met resistance. and again, i took the cowardly path of least resistance. and again, i trudged doggedly on. the initial plan was to use the means provided to somehow fuel the dream. but, that cowardly streak showed up (damn it to hell!). told me i couldnt do it. but i still wanted to be something. so i resolved to focus on what was in hand.

then suddenly, i. just. couldnt. do. it. not anymore. slowly, i began to shut down. stopped caring. the little things no longer gave me joy. my achievements past, present, and most importantly FUTURE no longer mattered. maybe because i no longer had any present ones. but the reason i no longer had any was because i just wasnt trying. rationally, i knew all this. but that evil voice that revels in my inactivity continued to whisper. and then boldly speak. now it shouts so loudly i cant hear anything else. and so, today, i officially give up. throw in the towel. there is nothing that can be done to salvage my lifes, my dreams, my goals.

hi, my name is incohrent, and i quit.