Some people are born lucky. By the time they are 5, they know exactly what they want to do. And they get it done! As do those who figure it out in high school, college, all the epiphany-havers. Then there's people like me. First I wanted to be scientist. I loved the lab and I thought chemicals were the coolest. Then my dad added to my lego collection and I started building awesome houses. Houses cool enough to be displayed on the mantlepiece. I loved staring at houses. I stole my friend's dad's Architecture magazines. Surely, I was meant to be an architect? It couldn't be a coincidence that the only thing I could draw was a house could it? (Seriously, through art class I always made every drawing project they gave us about houses). Then computers became affordable and my dad (that pushover) got me one. I loved computers. I learned with MS DOS and Lotus 1-2-3. I like machines. Like taking things apart. Ah ha! Aeronautical engineer! Nope. I got side tracked. Got convinced I was destined to be a doctor. Then a lawyer. Then.....basically, I am floundering. I have absolutely no idea what I want to be. I don't want to be grown up because then it'll mean I am a failure. Or am I? Must you really know what you want to be? Must you be something when you grow up? Must you grow up?
Why do we still define ourselves by what it is we do? I mean for a living. As opposed to what we do. I mean on a daily basis. When no one is watching. When money or sex or cake isn't involved or offered as some incentive. Why do we let other people define us for us?
I'm not sure what it is I want to do anymore. But I am having fun exploring. I discover new things about myself. I have learned ways to channel old talents into new avenues. Childhood was about discovery. (If it wasn't for you, God you had a horrible childhood. Sorry) It feels like you reach adulthood when you've stopped discovering. Honestly, I don't want to grow up. I've known that for a long time. As a child, my favourite song was that Toys'r'us jingle "I don't wanna grow up". Even then I knew adulthood was a farce. So ummmm yeah, still clueless about my future. Getting old super duper fast. Stopped sweating it though.
