Emily

These days, I seem to blog only when I'm emo. I miss the times when I used to be funny (shut up! I was too funny!). 

This time around, I'm sitting here watching a show. The star and his love interest have had sex. Now he's looking at her with love and she's looking demurely back. I usually find this sort of thing nauseating. I do not comprehend the need for mushy crap. Can't we just shoot and blow things up? Must there be a kissie face scene? I mean ugh!!!

So yeah, I'm here. Watching them be in love. And I'm wondering how the writers will break them up and keep them pining for each other. Then I think about other shows and what device they used to achieve that end. Then I think of their sex scenes; and their love. And I start thinking about when I will get such a love. Will I? I think I want to be in love. Hug, cuddle, do the whole doe eyes or whatever. Just be safe and happy that someone loves me. 

Ok. I just flashed on a past sex scene. Which leads me to think I'm just bloody horny. Cuz really, hugs? Cuddles? That's basically foreplay man. Sooooo yeah, emo moment over. 

Oh I just thought of a show that has no love interest. All blood, guts and explosions: Supernatural! 

Never mind. Forgot about that homoerotic bromance they have going on. 

Calloway

I hate being broke. I really really hate it. Not having money is the worst thing in the world. It sucks hot monkey ass balls. 

It's not like I want millions. I could honestly never even have millions anyway. I am terrible at saving. I spend anything I have. More on that later. 

So I want money; lots and lots of it. Because I like being comfortable. I like not having to plan everything to the last detail. I like being able to see things I like and just paying for them. There are dozens of countries I am still yet to visit. I need money for plane tickets, hotel bills, and car rental. Plus I need to be able to buy shit while I'm there and all the cool museums have an entry charge. And of course I need to eat!!

Back in my regular home, I want to own my own home. Build something to my taste and furnish it how I like. I'm too old to be waiting to plan with husband so I need to get on that quickly. I need a new car. My car has been in the shop for going on a year now. Took me that long to be able to replace my stolen laptop. I still don't own a PS3 and the 4 is on the market. 

Seeing as I am neither pretty nor smart enough to find me a wealthy man, I need to find me a better job. This current one pays shit. I could take the crap that goes with it but for what I'm getting paid, yeah I'm resigning. 

Oh yeah I said I'd revisit my inability to save. Yeah I don't save. If I have money, I spend it. What I do is own as many assets as I can. Rather than millions, I'd probably just have lots of houses all over the place. I don't see the point in owning more than one car or buying tons of clothes. Gadgets are not that costly. And I don't believe in spending stupid money on luxury items. My one vice is cake and ice cream. Oh and give people money. I'm a sucker for a sob story. But I'm working on that. 

Anywho rant over. I need a very well paying job. Gotta go work on that.

Bye

Happy International Women's Day

Hello ladies! As we again celebrate our day this year, I just wanted to remind you of a few things. This actually started as a celebratory Facebook status but me being me, I couldn't stop it spiraling down into a bitter, angry (lesbian?) tirade. So I thought hey, haven't blogged in a while so....

Happy International Women's Day to all the women! You are still incomplete if a man hasn't given you his surname. You are still useless if you're not producing more humans. You are utterly without worth if you can't cook or clean. You are a total slut for doing what YOU want with YOUR body and just stop asking for equal pay would ya? You can work and get maternity leave. You getting pregnant already costs your company enough money. Oh, and it is totally your fault the world is the way it is because you insist on working, and having a say, and being treated as a human so yeah divorce and corruption and "moral decay" is all YOUR fault! If only you'd stayed home and thrown out all your shoes.....

And black women, black African women? Hi. Aren't you the lucky ones? First you have the white women to whitewash (oh sweet sweet puns I love you so) your causes for you. Then you have the non-African blacks pitying you cuz you know, you have no clothes and haven't eaten in days. Do you even know when it's Christmas? Then you have your own black, African women who wish you would just shut up for a little while. You make men uncomfortable. There is nothing wrong with how life has been. Stop being so angry all the time. You know if you acted just that more girlie you'd totally get laid right? Or are you a lesbian? I know most of you feminist types are. It is not our culture o!

Anyway, happy international women's day. Keep up the good fight. At least until you finally meet a nice boy to tame you and marry you. Once you start having children you will forget all these things. Especially seeing as you will have so many Mother's Days all to yourself! See how nice the world is?

Honestly, women are so ungrateful. 

Epiphany

During this past weekend, I have learned several things:

1. I am never going to get married. 

And I'm ok with it. The type of man I want is either already taken or .....well already taken. The type of changes that seem demanded of me to "find the one" are beyond what I am willing to give up. I like being a tomboy. I am comfortable in tees and blue jeans. I don't want to show off my legs; I hate skirts. Makeup is for the rare occasion. And no, I do not think being constantly on braids is a bad thing. Weaves are more trouble than they're worth.

Then there's the intelligence thing. I do not want to dumb down. I do not understand why I keep getting asked to. I do not want to "cater for my man". Is he a fucking child? I cannot cook, clean, support, and still look up to you plus pretend that I can't do all the stuff you do around the house better that you. I want an equal. A true equal. An equal in every sense of the word. I want to be respected, included in decisions, I want a partner not a head. I want to travel and have fun. The same way I'm supposed to give my man time with his friends I expect it too. You have a man cave. I want my personal space. I make the bed, you cook and wash the damn dishes. You set up the tv, I fix the washing machine. I pump, you feed the baby. But yeah, never gonna happen. Now that I know this, I need to plan for it. Because I refuse to be the typical old maid. No cats for me. Still thinking about how it's all gonna work. Get back to you on that...

2. My boyfriend days are far behind me

Even in my heydays, I was never a boyfriend person. Honestly, I just wanted to be left alone. The few people I dated just hounded me relentlessly til I gave in. No one does that anymore. Boys seem to wait on you these days. And I absolutely suck at showing or detecting emotion. So yeah. No boyfriends. Which of course ties in with the never getting married. How will I be proposed to if I can't even get someone to want to date me. Sigh 

3. I will never have sex again. 

This is the worst part. The absolute worst. No sex again. No making out. No marvelous foreplay. Not for lack of penis; those are a dime a dozen. Sadly however, I like my penis to come attached to a brain. Therein lies the problem. Plus, I prefer my penises to not be owned by other vaginas. Which narrows the pool even more. There aren't that many unattached intelligent blokes out there. I've been cheated on a lot so cheating on even a girlfriend is not for me. Karma sucks. And I would rather not have to deal with the crippling guilt after. So here I am. Spinster for life. No boyfriend. And celibate by proxy. 

So I'm not sure where I was going with this. But this looks good so far. Let's stew over this and I'll be back later.