Dear You

I want you in my life. I really really do. I don't even know why. You have been a fixture for just a little too long. Never have I ever felt this way. Never. Not this strong and certainly not this long. Even from great distances I hear you. I feel your thoughts. It's like you're here. With me. Or I'm there. With you. I ache for you. Thinking about you. The possibility of seeing you. Turns me giddy. A glimpse of you splits my mouth into the widest of grins. I love you. There, I said it. There is no other way to say. I can't see it being anything but that.

You're not perfect. Far from it. If I'd had to choose it would always have been the other. They have all I need. But you are all I want. You're all I want.

This is all in my head. You don't feel the same. You've said as much.

What Lies Beneath

Today, I saw this guy with someone else. I knew it was coming. I had an idea she existed but I guess I thought he would have the courtesy to tell me. Although, this is the person who chased me relentlessly for months and when I finally gave in, continued carrying on with all and sundry. And if course dumped me when the novelty of being with me wore off.

So yes, I'm bitter and angry. And I don't even know why. How long is one supposed to keep telling themselves it's the other and not you? It can't be them when in the space of months they're happy while you- the one nothing is supposed to be wrong with is utterly and completely alone.

I keep saying it doesn't matter. That I am happy alone. But really who am I kidding. There is something wrong. I do need to be fixed. Now I just have to get through my day without falling apart.

Irony. This very day last year I was crying because someone finally stopped lying to me. I'm starting to hate december.

In search of a blog theme

I've always wanted to have a themed blog. Rather than my incoherent ramblings, I would love to have a place where I air my coherent, organised thoughts on a specific topic. A friend had this cool travel blog where she talked about her travels as a doctor around Nigeria. All sorts of cool pictures and stuff are on there. This other dude has a shutterchance account. He's a professional photographer now. Good for him. Then there are the erotica peeps. The storytellers. And the angsty emo crew who bemoan their perpetual state of brokenheartedness. (*side eyes all Adele fans*). Oh! The joys of knowing what you want to blog about!


Me, I've toyed with various possibilities. A place where I discuss the current political debacle. You know, give my unsolicited and largely unhelpful opinion and advice about global policies. At other times, I want to focus on my love for science. I really do love science. Expound on current research. Talk about my trials in my quest for a PhD and a meaningful position in academia (yes, I am a nerd *hangs head). Then there was one time I wanted to share my pictures. I love taking them. And I need a place to show them off sometimes. But I'll wait til I get my Nikon D3200. I do love to travel. I could document my traipses across the globe. Or my love of food and cake and everything decadent and bad for me. That would surely be a treat. Currently, I'm going through men. No not like that. But I do seem to attract the oddest set of males. I'm 30 now and single and..... well, let's just leave it at that.

So that's the problem. I have so much I want to talk about. Plus there is the problem of having the time to follow up on all those accounts. I am by any and all standards lazy. I refuse to do no more than is absolutely necessary. Keeping up with one blog is hard enough work as it is. So yeah, I'll just stick to this one. I will continue to jump from topic to topic with no discernible concept running through them. And sadly, whoever you are reading this, you will just have to deal with it. Thank you for reading my blog. Feel free to leave a comment. :-)