Wanted:

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so i'm stuck in a rut. been depressed about a shit load of stuff lately. about two months ago, i was actually REJECTED. how much lower can a girl fall? really?

anyway folks point is, i have been playing it safe. content to be dour and matronly. semi-mannish and well .....uninteresting is a nice way of putting it. so yesterday, i went out. got my hair done and my eyebrows did. didnt get my nails though cuz i'm kinda broke. but oh well. managed to gather two other like minded girls together and we're going partying tonight. hopefully the DJ doesnt suck or else i'm going to have 2 take over. on my saturday, my plan is to act a fool. just roam the streets. try out some silly things we'd heard about. just generally let loose and shake my newly made hair about. then on sunday i snap back to reality and hopefully be energized for another week. its about time i broke free and started looking forward to my future. sure it isnt as bright as i want. honestly its downright bleak and gloomy. but that just means i need to hang onto the good bits. especially as they are now so few and far between. i need to light a candle, buy batteries for my penlight while i wait for the street lights of my life to flicker back on.

yes, my life sucks. it sucks hard. but i've been doing things the same way for years. it obviously isnt working anymore. before i totally throw in the towel, lets shake things up. try a different tactic. do things i would never do. damn the consequences. so here i come world. a different me. hopefully if i start thinking it, things WILL start looking up!

Too Much To Ask?

i am currently watching the third season of veronica mars (an awesome show by the way; dont no y it got canceled....). so in this season, in addition to the usual mystery and mayhem, there's this strong vein of romance and love running through it. and boy has it got me feening.

noooo i DO NOT want to get married. but sometimes, especially when i'm watching ms mars do she ting :) i want so so bad to know how it would be to be loved. to have someone be totally into you. to see his eyes change when he glimpses you from afar. to instintively head for each other. have totally mind blowing sex. i no i no. but i think sex is better when u can you know each other. when u think so much alike you respond the same way.

ah well i'm just fooling myself yeh? love is just the dream that mills and boon and harlequin came up with to keep females idiotic and daft.