Slut

This was the second one. There was a lot of back and forth with this one:

I am a slut. I have it in me to be ratchet beyond all boundaries. I am also a prude. I think sex is sacred, not something that should be bandied around. I love sex. Love it. It hurts me when I do not break you off. Hurts me when I do not leave you completely sated and yet wanting more. I am also ashamed. Ashamed of the number of sexual partners I have had. Utterly embarrassed by it actually. How did they become so many?

My humble origins were just the one guy. Him, who I was going to marry. Then it turned to two. Because I did not want to continue to be haunted by the memory of the one who had used me so cruelly. Now, I no longer hunt for excuses. I just do it. But the guilt is still there. Eating away at me. I hate myself for doing it. Wonder how I can live with myself after yet another misdeed. But it does not stop me. I am still going. Little by little though, with every new partner, that guilt is waning. Each day, I find I care less and less about how people or society or whoever sees me. I am just here to get my (and his) rocks off.

But then, I have to ask: what is my limit? In my bid to not listen to society, to not "play by the 'rules'", I find that I no longer have boundaries. I did start out with some. I would never do this. This is a no go area. Oh hell no, not me! Not that! But more and more, I have been blurring lines I never thought I would cross. To be honest, I have straight up crossed them. And just like with the sex, with the new partners, it gets that much easier each time. It is not even about social norms, or morality, or expectations. In my bid to drown out the accusing voices, I have gone far overboard with the things I have done/i do. Or have I? For many, I am fine. I have done nothing wrong. I am "owning" my vagina. Unfortunately, I disagree with them as much as I disagree with those who think I should keep pretending I am not sexually active (or presently horny as I am now).

So, this is where I am now. I am no longer a virgin. I have no interest in "reclaiming" said virginity. But I do not much like the direction in which I am headed. Oh, I plan to keep fucking. Sex is way too awesome to give up. (Sorry God). But I need to define my boundaries again. Redraw my lines and never ever cross them. I am a slut no doubt. But as always, it will be on MY terms not anyone else's. Some days, I will be a prudish slut, others a slutty prude. But every day I will be (true to) me.

Slut.