Random

everyone has one of those. a post that is utterly cluelessly random. just type whatever pops into your head. so here's mine.

i'm nervous. assed out nervous. i'm currently packing up my bags. trying to decide what books and movies to take along and i'm headed.....well you'll soon find out. and i am terrified. i've been assured i will be fine. and that i have nothing to worry about....yeah right. so i have a few days to go. barely. i havent even started packing. and i'm still waiting on stuff. sigh. i hate packing. so many damn decisions. and i cant believe how much i actually own. bloody hell. then theres the deciding who to tell and who to just let figure out that you're no longer "here" anymore. then the notifying this and that.

I started this post in 2010. It is 8 years later. Funny how a lot has not really changed. I still have a room full of my stuff that I need to sort through. I have moved a lot. I would really like to stay this space I am currently in. I like my house. My job is also nice. I look forward to what I will do with it. The books I didn't take with me only just arrived a few months ago. Not all of them came. I may have to just accept that I will have to buy those books again, sigh. None of my quirky posters or magnets or little trinkets made it back either. When other people decide what is important to you, this is bound to happen.

In that time, I have discovered a lot about myself, but not really. I have depths and incredible shallowness I didn't believe possible. I have had to stop saying "I would never". Because life keeps showing me that I would. I have weaned people from my life. But not enough. I need to trust people less. Need to stop believing that people are good. I need cynicism in my life. Or I need to move the cynicism I have to other facets of my life. I don't know.

Anyway, this post is done.

Bye